- It Happens…Even to Ghosts!
After a long boring day I decided to doze off early, little did I know that I would be having a side career in counseling ghosts instead. Just as I pulled up the covers to my chin a heart-shattering angry cry chased my sleep away. "Who's that"? I asked, feeling quite stupid. Nobody cries like that in my family. "That's it, man!"! "I've had enough, I have got to leave this world for sure before I go insane!" came the screeching cry.
A colorful form, dressed in hippy clothes, sitting against the center table erupted in anguish. "Are you the result of an extremely dull day or am I dreaming already?" I asked, squinting my eyes in the dark. "No, I'm a result of an extremely dull dead life", the form mumbled. "And if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a lost soul". "And a sad one too", I laughed at my silly mind-games. "I don't believe in ghosts, I do like seeing them in the movies but that's as far as it ever goes.
"This one is new", I said to myself. "Yeah, I'm getting some reaction from a living human after a long time, this one is, like, definitely new, man", the self proclaimed ghost shook his head. "So, why are you sad? Aren't you supposed to scare me or something?" I decided to play along with my abruptly active imagination. "Oh, you think that's funny, girl?"
In a blink the form came and sat next to my bed, staring me dead in the eye. "No, it's unusual", I said. "You seem to have other major issues, more serious than scaring me". "You think I have issues? You should see the others, they are thinking of committing spirit suicide, if that's even possible", he snapped. "Why, your colony, if it exists, can have all the fun. You know, being dead, spooking people and all, is pretty cool", I said. "Not anymore, it isn't cool, and yes, we do exist. Being teenagers, geeks and having weird hairdos is what's cool now", he replied. "Come on, it can't be that bad, there must be hundreds of people out there waiting to be petrified by you" I said feeling sorry for him.
"Well, Michael Jackson and some insects are doing the petrifying for us", he heaved a sigh. Just the other day a dead friend of mine went to scare Robert De Niro, he's into famous people. He picked the wrong celebrity, poor thing disintegrated screaming! Every time he went near De Niro, talking in his surround screeching sound, to add the digital effect, Robert would give him a side-glance and say, "You talking to me"?
"That's harsh", I said sympathetically, "why don't you try some new moves?". "What moves? Women have all the moves now; didn't you see Michael Douglas being terrorized repeatedly by Glenn Close, Demi Moore and Sharon Stone? A truckload of ghosts can't even come close to what these she devils did to that terror prone idiot!", my depressed ghost exclaimed."You are right, I didn't know how women could harass men until I started watching Michael Douglas's movies", I admitted.
"Take this blinking old baby, Richard Gere, boy, it's so difficult to frighten him. No success. He keeps blinking all the time as if trying to decide how to react, it is so distracting! And then, he goes into meditation, even then you can see him blinking with his eye closed. When he opens his eyes he'll start telling the ghost to take a deep breathe and think of Dalai Lama".
"I hate celebrities, man! They are unspeakable freaks!" My ghost friend vented. "Oh, they are not that terrible", I said. "They entertain people, make them laugh and forget about the worldly worries". "For a price", he retorted. "I'll never forgive them for what they did and are still doing, especially that witch of a woman". "Who are you talking about?" I asked.
"Cheryl Crow, she gave my girlfriend an inferiority complex, and now my girlfriend is afraid to come out of her grave! I'm telling you, these guys are becoming pro". I hardly get any time to spend with her, it's so stuffy and gross in her grave", he groaned. "I thought that doesn't bother you guys, you don't like being bloody and gross?" "No, we don't, at least not the new breed, unlike our ancestors we prefer staying as hygienic and fresh as death allows us. We are the clean metro-sexual generation, we find it disgusting walking around with decaying bodies the whole night, once in a while it's ok for effects. As it is, these celebrities have brainwashed all the ladies into being all sparkling glamorous Barbie dolls with Kens on their side. They are very much into appearances, cool threads, flashy eyeballs and red lips. "Ah, I see, it's nice though, all groomed and dressed up. A change from the old world's torn, stinking wormy bodies", I nodded.
"Well, it's time to go find people I can't seem to scare", the ghost got up, "It was nice talking to you, thanks, girl. I feel a lot better. "Sure, no probs, anytime. Glad I could help out", I smiled. "By the way, my name is Slash, it was nice meeting you", He extended his hand. "Always a pleasure", I shook it. "Can I ask you a favour? This could really help us", he hesitated
"What?", I asked.
"I have a friend, he is dead, of course. If you could just talk to him like you did with me, it'll really help, you know". “ What's bothering him?" I asked. "Oh, the usual, low self-esteem, depression, the works. Give him some confidence to get back to work" "Sure, I'll try, send him tomorrow night. Let's see what we can do", I agreed. "Thanks, girl, I owe you one. If you ever want to scare somebody I'm at your service", he offered. "I'll do that", you take care, be dead and drop in whenever you feel like chatting", I waved. "You are on, see ya!"
